Puff the magic dragon
As a wizard of the internet I am constantly using it as the valuable resource of entertainment and information it was meant for. And what I’m about to share with you today is no different. Both informative and entertaining, I bring you obviously what the internet was invented for. It was certainly created so that ignored housewives across the world could have complete anonymity when they buy mystical dragon cocks to fuck themselves stupid with. This has to be what Al Gore envisioned when he invented the internet.
I showed this website to a female friend of mine and this was the conversation that followed.
Her: I want to know what hole the wallaby goes into
Me: all of them
Her: hahahah
Me: yeah that thing is confusing as shit
Me: it was literally fashioned after the anatomical location of a wallaby G-spot
Me: which didn’t translate well to the human vagina
Me: that thing is going to give girls a cervical exam
Her: hahahhahahahahha
Her: I have to read the FAQs
Me: “Cumtube – your toy comes with a syringe and a tube running through the core of the toy, so you can squirt our cumlube into you while you play.”
Me: omfg
Her: =O
Me: that was oddly arousing but immediately disgusting. I felt like I was reading some line from an erotic novel, but then remembered I found the book on my grandma’s nightstand
Me: ya know, that “weeeird” feeling
Her: hhaahhahahahahaha
Her: “just be sure to keep it clean and ride it out. Bubbles happen sometimes, but not all the time. If it develops into a rip, let us know, and we will do what we can to fix it” (this is where you come in) “To avoid letting the bubbles get to you, just take care of it.“
Me: bubbles!?
Her: who’s job is it to fix the rip in these things? Seriously, give that guy some purrell!
Mel: I like to think he sleeps in a hazmat suit and wakes up hating life, because he has to go to work and fix the rips in other peoples dildos molded after fairy tale animal dicks.
Her: hahahahhahahahahaha
Seriously, you have to see this shit for yourself.
B.
God Daaammmnnnnn